mustard seed faith

When I started this blog and said that I would share the joys and struggles of living saved, I don't think I realized how difficult the latter would be. But then again it shouldn't come as much of a shock. I'm a very private person (almost to the point of schizophrenia) so when it comes to letting others in on my "issues," two words: 

I Don't.

Certainly I'm not about to give the specifics of my current struggle, however the short of it is there's something I've been wanting for a while. With each passing day, my emotions about it range from "the Lord will make a way" to "Lord, I'm ready when you are" to "OK Lord, are you sure you're hearing me?"

Last week and this weekend in particular can be filed under "A-F" for "Angry and Frustrated." I'm angry with God for not doing what I told asked Him to do. And I'm frustrated because I don't see how in God's name (no pun intended) it's even possible that it will happen. (don't worry, I've repented for each of these thoughts)

As He often does when I'm at my lowest, the Lord reminded me of a scripture. Luke 17:6 speaks of having faith as a grain of mustard seed. Where I am in my relationship with God right now, it dawned on me that I'm surviving on mustard seed faith. Barely holding on to Jesus as I endure a painful lesson of what it truly means to trust Him; nevertheless, clinging to my salvation and His promises. 

And with that I'm encouraged; even when my faith is at it's lowest, the Lord honors it and lets me know that He is with me.